So today begins day 5 of my diet. its really not that bad but....

IM ABOUT TO TAKE THE OATMEAL I HAVE ATE FOR THE PAST 5 DAYS AND SMEAR IT ALL OVER MY WALLS.

Seriously, how do people eat this stuff every day or 3 or 4 times a week? I dont get it. Its like eating hot glue with some flavor. And thats only for the flavored packets i have. The regular with nothing tastes like im eating hot paste. Ugh.

Between the oatmeal and the water i drink ( i have had nothing to drink but water and a 4 oz glass of coke zero in 5 days) i LIVE in my bathroom. Literally.

Here's what i dreadfully miss:

Cheese!
Coke zero - just a little bit not much
Frozen fruit bars - cant really eat b/c of the sugar
Pretzel rods- carb i cant really have
Wheat bread- never thought id say that!
Grapes- bad fruit for me
Peanut butter (sugar is bad )
Ice Cream- but only a little bit

Honestly i dont miss regular burgers, chips , cookies etc. I just dont. I mean it would be nice to have them for a treat once a week but i can live on turkey burgers forever now. I def dont miss all the grease that came with them. I dont really miss much bread cept wheat and thats just occasionally. Its more just comfort foods like potatoes with sour cream and cheese , or mac and cheese.

My house cleaning has kept me busy too. I should be able to finish my bedroom except for the the bed i have to buy ( as well as the boxsprings) and the table i bought that is being shipped to set the tv on ( i still wanna splurge and get a small flat screen for the bedroom) and i have to go back to walmart b/c someone (ahem daniel) didnt measure the blinds right and we got ones that are too big.

Im determined to make my house look like a sytlish comfy warm inviting home without looking like you just walked into Annie's 1.00 or less flea market.

So im now on day three and i have to say this is hard. I have to eat 6 times a day, 5 of which are mandatory. So i eat like every 3 hours. Its very hard to get used to eating so small of meals and measuring out everything. But its ok. Im sticking with it.

Im trying to learn new things i can make that are on my diet for dinner. As this is the meal i love to cook! Its hard b/c im not supposed to eat a lot of red meat or dairy and a lot of things call for dairy. I can deal with the meat thing as i just use ground turkey or sub chicken for the red meat. But the dairy is hard. I love cheese. Im a cheeseaholic. I dont miss the milk, yogurt or cottage cheese etc.

Ive already decided that once a week though im going to cheat and eat some cheese with some pretzels. Bread is another thing thats not on my diet  either. Im trying to stick as close to the diet for the first week as i can to see how well it works for me. But on sunday's which is the start of the new weeks im going to indulge just a little.

I need treats. everyone does.

Ive also been taking a diet pill/supplement that i bought with the program and i have noticed that i do have more energy etc for the few hours after i take it usually about 4 hours and its not nervous energy like im tigger bouncing off the damn walls. Its more of a wow i feel good type. Which for me is good b/c i dont like feeling like i can out run speedy gonzales in a race.

Its raining today as well which means all 3 dogs are inside the house. ugh. not easy to clean when i have them underfoot as well as the fact that the cats all dont wanna be on the floor b/c the dogs chase them.

Going to be a long long day i can already tell

Ive had a lot going on the past 2 weeks so ive finally gotten to sit down and start this whole thing. I have 6 weeks to figure out if this thing is going to work. And i better be damn well sure to keep to it otherwise im either going to A. not know if it would work b/c id have to send it back or B. waste 119.00 trying to keep it to figure out if it does work and loose money if it doesnt.

So breakfast today is:

2 oz of egg whites- which is pretty much not much lol
2 oz of turkey breast
1/2 cup oatmeal
1/2 cup- ?

It says 1/2 cup of carb a and carb b but i dont really want to eat much on carb A today so im going with around 1 cup of oatmeal instead.

I have to eat again in 4 hours. Around 9 am for my snack.
Ill update this then. Im also going to go to the gym today for a bit as well later on and get some exercise in. I have a lot of cleaning to do around the house that will keep me busy as well.


UPDATE: 7:30 AM
Its time for my mid morning snack. I have been reading the materials as well. Its actually very interesting to me.

So for my snack today im having

2 oz tuna
2 oz turkey breast
1/2 cup fruit A  im thinking pineapple or peaches not sure yet. If i do the peaches im going to "bake" them. Basically put them in the oven on broil with cinnamon for a few min

Also i have started on my 2nd 8 oz bottle of water today. Their reccomended is 100 oz which i could easily do as long as i stay away from things like coke.

Im also starting the diet pills i bought with the program. And i have signed up for the user forums and have made my introductory post.
I have a ways to go i finally made myself weigh myself which was really hard.

Ill update as the day goes along!

LAST UPDATE FOR DAY ONE

Lunch, Snack and Dinner were all successful for the first day.

Lunch- 2 oz tuna, 2 oz ground beef, 2 oz turkey, 1 cup tomato, lettuce(free food), 1/2 cup rice, 1/2 cup potato- i made a very yummy salad out of this. I did cheat a bit and use 2 sprays of the salad dressing i have ( which is like 1 calorie lol)
Water

Snack- 1/2 cup pears, 1/2 cup pineapple, 2 oz tuna, 2 oz shrimp, 1/2 cup tomato and water

Dinner- I made Shrimp stir fry- 6 oz shrimp, 1/2 cup potato ( i made "fries" with just potatoes cut with garlic and onion powder), 1/2 cup rice, 2 cups veggies which i used brocolli and onions and i sauteed them in water which worked well!
water

I didnt eat my pm snack as i was exhausted and went to bed.

So i broke down and purchased this after one late night non sleeping night of infomericals lol. So we shall see if it works.

Today is my first official day. Im still reading over the materials but so far it looks pretty easy and decent. Just a lot of information to go through. You constantly eat like every 4 hours though. So im not used to that. Not to mention eating whats good for me and what makes me loose weight. Sigh. Goodbye cheese lol. Actually there is everything on this diet i can pretty much. Just apparently its what your body uses to boost your metabolisim is what you eat.

We shall see. I will update my journey on this once a week and let you know if this actually works.

So, i have not wrote in here since i got home from my trip. So im going to play catchup for today and write about everything going on in my world.

First- Yard Sale
So i slept pretty much all day wed and got up for a bit then went back to sleep some more ( i was exhausted) till around noon on thursday. I woke up and started freaking out. Why? The yard sale started at 6 am on friday. So i got up and got myself awake enough to start going out into the garage to sift through things to get ready. Only problem is it was HOT. Like im talking close to 100. So id have to go out for 30 min or so and come in. I changed my shirt 3 times b/c of the heat. Finally Daniel got up and started helping me sometime after 8 or so that night. We worked all night , and i mean all night, getting everything put out in the driveway. Then i had to go put up signs that i forgot to make which means i had to go to walmart to get things to put up the signs with. I had to go to the bank to get money and then go get change at various places. Yeah i was way behind.......

So day of yard sale, Friday, day one. We started off kinda slow with 3 people before 6:30 and no sales. It picked up off and on throughout the day and we were ready to call it quits by 1 b/c the heat had gotten up to 100 and we had to haul it all back in not to mention i was being bitchy and ready to go to sleep. On top of that my mom had called me and told me that my brother had made the decision to put our dog Ginger, who we had had since a puppy, to sleep.She was 15, very very old and in pain, and it was just time. So that sucked ass big time. We did around 120 for the first day. Not too bad. I went in and passed smooth out and didnt wake up till 4 am sat.

2nd day of sale, sat , started out SLOW. Like no one was out. I think from 6 to 8 we had 3 people total. That was it. However after we put up more signs and after 8 we were steady all day long. Ended up doing around 130 . I went in about 10 and posted on freecycle that anything after 1 pm was free that we had left. And sure enough around 1:30 this truck pulls up and loads everything and i mean EVERYTHING up . We're talking 10+ trashbags of clothes plus tons of other things. Greedy much? I mean im glad it left but i figured that they would come and sort through it and just take what they wanted/needed. No these people took everything. Eh i didnt care i just wanted it to go. I just iwsh i would have been able to help more people on freecycle.

So both days we cleared around 250.00 Not bad for a sale i would think. Came in sat night and really did not much of anything. I was tired and sunburnt and just blah.

So now its Sunday. I woke up not too long ago and i have lots to do here. I have to get things gone through to do a massive list on ebay. I need to pull around 6000 out of my ass by the 15th. Which if i work i can do it.

Diet- Ive pretty much been sticking to it. The past 3 days i havnt really ate much b/c of the sale and ive been working myself to death. But i need to get back on a regular thing again. Today i had waffles for breakfast and im having Burger King for lunch. Whopper no cheese med fries and a coke. And then i need to go through everything and get it organized and put up and then clean the carpets and work.

Ok so i know that i havnt exactly been updating this for a few days. Reason? I decided on a spur of the moment decision that i wanted to get out of the house and hit the road for a small road trip to see someone.

So off in the mustang i went! Into the sunset..... without eating a damn thing.  And it was a long 10 hour drive. I headed up to Illinois for the night/day. I was ok got gas everything was going great and then i got hungry. So the next time i stopped for gas i had to figure out did i wanna eat fast food or not. I decided that the half a bag of sun chips i had bought on the first fill up where not enough. So i went through mcdonalds. It was already very late and i only had like an hour or 2 left to go but i needed FOOD. So i went through McDonalds and got something that i could eat in the car- the 10 piece chicken nugget meal. Regular size nothing special. Ate the med fries and 3 nuggets and was full.

Thats all i had to eat on monday.  And a coke. And half a coke zero

Didnt do much monday night just hung out and watched a movie didnt make it to bed till after 5 am.

Then came home tuesday afternoon and finally got something to eat at 7 pm. I bought Burger King. I had a burger ( whopper) no cheese and med fries and a coke. I did manage to eat that but it took a little over an hour. I had the fries first b/c i figured if i couldnt get it all the burger would be ok later. I had the fries and half of the coke and an hour later started working on the burger while driving lol. 

Got home around 2 am. Had some cheese and 2 pieces of bread ( figured that was my breakfast and stuff lol) and then a kit kat, butterfinger and m&M trial size lol.

Went to bed finally around 3-4 am. Got up around 1 pm. Had dinner which was good yummy i made:

Rice
Mashed Potatoes- butter, cheese and sour cream
Beef Stir fry

Total calories ate today- Rice: 100
Butter-50
Cheese 50
Sour Cream 50
Potatoes 150
Beef- 100
Stir Fry 50

Cheese- 150
Bread- 110
Kit Kat 100
Butterfinger 100
M&M's 100

1110 calories today. And thats over-estimating as i know i didnt eat 50 calories worth of butter today maybe 10 lol but i like to make sure i give myself some room and dont under estimate


Which is actually really good. Its 5 pm i have under 7 hours till the last day of the month and im good. Im actually still very tired and im really considering just going back to bed for a few hours lol.

But im proud of myself for not overdoing it on the trip and eating just whatever i felt like.

So i headed out to the store this past week to do some last minute grocery shopping b/c for the month of august im going to be cutting back on going anywhere and spending ANYTHING. If i can handle it for a month im giong to do it every other month. Anyways, we went to Kroger as they were having some GREAT SALES on things. Well of course i go down every aisle so i dont miss anything and there.... sitting on sale.... 10 for 10....

FUN SIZE CANDY BARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So of course i bought 10 different kinds. I bought: Snickers, Twizzlers, Kit Kat, York Peppermint Patties, butterfinger, milky way, M&M's, Skittles, Reeses Peanut butter Cups, and Twix. Most of them pack enough calories to significantly incread your calorie intake more than you know. I mean they are fun size after all how bad can they be! OMG VERY BAD. If you only eat one or 2 a day then your fine, but most people sit and eat 5 or 6 in a sitting. You are MUCH better off going and buying the full size version and eating the whole thing. Seriously.

Im trying to treat myself but not kill my diet either.

Also i have purchased the Six Week Body Makeover Program. I was up late last night and saw it on an infommerical. So we shall see how it works. If it does ill praise it till the cows come home. If it doesnt you will hear me bitch. And it will go back. And my money will be returned.

Ugh the past 3 days have been just i dunno, i have not been very motivated to do anything but stay home in the cool and  just be a bum on the computer all day. Its now the 24th and i have a little under a week left in the month and i really need to get my ass in gear.

But for some reason i cant. That and ive been sleeping very well lately but still am waking up feeling tired and cranky. Im not sure why. And ive been having these massivly vivid dreams , or rather id call them nightmares, here lately. Like waking up going what the ..... yeah those kinda dreams.

I have a week to go before my yard sale. I have to go get it in the paper this afternoon. Its on the first and the 2nd. Im still dragging ass on this too. WTF is my deal!  I have a whole garage left to be gone through. Not to mention after that i have to go back through everything and put it in boxes and with like items. I wanna go ahead and get the racks and have the clothes already hanging up by the beg of next week so i have room to manuever and see how many boxes and tables im going to need. See, i have the plan, i just cant get my ass in gear to follow said plan.

My brothers birthday is also next monday. We are having his birthday dinner sunday  night at Olive Garden b/c he has to work monday and my parents have some meeting monday night. He'll be 25. I have presents for him i start buying them b/c i start buying christmas early and that way i have enough on hand for birthday. But i don tknow what to give him. Ugh. I also have to get a card and i havnt done that yet either.

I am usually so up to the minute about things like this but lately i just wait till the last minute to do anything. What is wrong with me! I think its the heat personally not making me wanna go anywhere or do anything. That and my fat self being depressed. I have so many things going on in my head that if just one of them would shut the hell up for a moment it would help a bit.

Ok its 7:30 am. I am going to go to the gym today if it kills me. I have 3 days to make up for which means 9 miles. 9 LONG FREAKING MILES which means 3 hours at the gym. Which i can do im just giong to be incredibly tired when im done.

So today officially starts the last week in month one. yah! *gives myself a pat on the back* I honestly am happy about this. Now onto other things....

Im currently undertaking the large job of having a yard sale. I havnt had one in over 2 years. Not since we moved out of the rental house and bought this one. I sell on ebay so i have collected a large amount of things. Its time to sift through the things and figure out what i want to keep to sell on ebay and what i want to get rid of. I went over to my moms house yesterday after i got out of the gym.... yeah i should have waited. I was wearing sweat pants and a tshirt and was already tired and hot and sweaty. Then i go over there and decide to go through all the boxes i have never moved over that have been in my parents house for 5 years. The problem with this was that everything has been moved into my parents storage room over the garage which is huge .... and has no air conditioning. By the time we were done moving everything out into the hallway and getting it down the stairs and into the truck i was soaked from head to toe with sweat.

I get home change clothes and wait for my mom to bring the stuff over in the truck. And then i got the fun task of trying to go through it all. I have a lot of crap let me tell you! But out of all the boxes that we have went through i only have two boxes of stuff that im keeping. The rest is either going into the yard sale or going on ebay to sell.

I now have over 12 trash bags of clothes for the sale and around 10+ boxes of stuff to sell not to mention things that wont fit into bags or boxes. And i still have a whole garage to go through! I swear if this stuff doesnt sell im giong to have a fit. This is a lot of hard work! I dont even wanna make much just 100 bucks or so. It would be nice to make 200 but i wont hold my breath.

Today im taking a break from the gym unless i decide to head out this afternoon for a bit. Which i might. I need a break to work around the house.  I really want to get the garage gone through by the end of this week.  I have to also drag out the computer desk that im getting rid of out into the garage ( its solid wood ugh) and then figure out what other furniture im going to say bye bye to ( or at least i hope i am going to) as i really need the room in my house. And all this stuff is priced to SELLLLLL.

It is now the end of week 3 today! I have one more week to go. I have successfullly done three weeks so far with the following:

- No fast food at all
- Very limited caffiene ( soda) intake. I think its down to one soda every 2 days if that. And then i dont usually drink it all
- Increased my water intake by 100 percent. I now am at least getting almost half of what i should be getting per day.
- Stuck within my 1500 calorie limit all but maybe 2 days. A few days i went over but not by much and i tried to correct it the next day as best i could.
-Started back to the gym and can now do 3 miles easy.
-Reduced the number of pre-packaged things i consume. I now make more things and dont rely on convienence.

In the last week this is what i want to accomplish:

-Go to the gym every day.
- Up my time from doing 3 miles to doing 6 miles to doing 9 miles ( i want to be able to walk 9 miles day without too much fuss and pain lol)
-Increase my water intake 25 percent.


Today has been kinda ugh for me. Im getting ready to hit the gym this morning and im hoping its not busy already. It opened at 5 and its now 20 to 7. Ive already consumed:

-2 waffles
-Peaches
-Pretzels
-Mini Cookies
-Cheese

So almost 700 calories give or take 50 calories. Which is not bad considering i ate at 3 am and then again just now. I wanted something to give me a boost so i opted for the pretzel rods and some cheese.

Ive already decided that lunch today is going to be something very low fat and low calorie but filling like rice and veggies. I can eat a whole bag of veggies for 100 calories lol and it always fills me up.

Dinner, i have no clue. I think its going to be fish and veggies and rice. Its easy and healthy.
I need to look up more recipes as i think ive beat the ones i use to death over and over again lol.

I cant believe its almost the end of july. My brothers birthday is also coming up in 7 days. He will be 25!

Im definitly looking forward to the start of a new month on this diet and new goals... like actually making my way BACK into the weight room at the gym. It terrifies me. Also starting in august i have to kick it up a knotch as its only 3 months to Halloween. I wanted to be able to fit into a cute costume this year. Which means me getting my butt in gear and really pushing myself. I know i can do it. Its just a matter of getting there.

Ok so, my last post prompted me to get to thinking about the rediculous prices on food these days. And per the comment on the last post- yes almost 4.00 for one avocado is freaking insane. Do they think its gold or something? Should we take out its own life insurance policy????

Which in turn got me to really paying attention the price changes in most of the food i buy. I know that just like 6 months ago the price of Mac and Cheese was lower then what it is now and im not talking about Kraft im talking about the Walmart brand. Everything has gone up. And also the packaging has gone smaller. So basically:

Smaller Product (packaging) + Price change = Paying more for less

I guess its the sign of the economy trying to compensate for all the debt we've built up and for the fact that to make money we have to cheat people out of hard earned money. I mean i understand that the companies want to make money but for some reason i dont see Kraft going bankrupt all of a sudden. People still buy their products. It irks me that you dont know about the package changes unless you really pay attention. You notice the price change, thats fine, prices change all the time, but being sneaky and reducing the product your getting is just low.

So ive decided that im trying to stay away from as much prepackaged things as possible. Which some is ok and some is not. I buy in bulk on things like snacks b/c im on this diet and the 100 calorie packs are really a lifesavor but i buy in the huge boxes so i save money then going down to walmart and buying the small box.

I do buy Hamburger Helper when its on sale like 10 for 10. So im stocked up. I buy fruit in the can in the HUGE can and keep leftover baby food containers to store to use as fruit cups.

I reuse EVERY FREAKING SINGLE PLASTIC CONTAINER that i have. Sour cream, cottage cheese, butter, etc. Anything that comes into my house even dressing containers get cleaned and reused for other things.

I also now  buy bread from discount bakeries. Its pay 4.00 a loaf for whole wheat or wheat or 75 cents for bread that will be out of date in 1 day or is out of date that day, freeze it and then eat it a month from now when i need it. I think ill spend 75 cents. Bread doesnt last long in our house. I make my own rolls, i make my own bread as well, cakes, any desserts. 

My goal for august is to not go to the grocery store but once. And only to buy milk and a few other staples that we use a lot in cooking. I dont wanna spend more than 100 bucks for the month. I have nothing going on in august except for my parents anniversary and thats about it.

I dont wanna use my car to use gas to go anywhere unless i have to. Serioiusly, id rather just take a walk on down to the local farmers market ( bout 2 miles if that) and also there is a Fred's about a mile down the road, gas station about 1/2 mile. Library is in town if i wanted to get a book its only about 3 miles. So basically get exercise and save gas. B/c right now im using at least 200 a month in gas and thats just running around here. I will have to take at least one day a week and go see my best friend as i have a feeling with the move she's going to need some support. And that in itself is a 20 mile one way trip.

Not to mention that if im going to start going to the gym every day thats around a 22 mile trip a day. So 150 ish miles a week on my car. Plus 40 miles to my best friends house thats almost 200 miles a week on my car. So i could relatively get by with 120.00 a month in gas.  Thats if i go every day to the gym and go once a week out to her house.

Which if i factor in all my errands while im headed either way i wont have to go anywhere else during the weeks. Yippee

Ok my mind is on overdrive. Im off to the gym as tomorrow is the end of week 3. I need to at least get in one more session.

Its 4:21 am. Woke up this morning early so we could head to the Farmers Market to see if there were any good deals on fruits and veggies as im trying to be more healthy and eat better meals. Which is hard. Why?

1. Price- they say that we should all eat healthy and be more fat and calorie aware but they sure dont make the price easy on our pocketbooks now do they? You go to the supermarket and look at the prices of fresh fruit and fresh veggies and you about swallow your tongue. Its cheaper to just GO through the Drive up window at your local grease pit. Seriously. You can feed yourself for under 5 bucks.

2. Selection- i dont know about you but here lately the selection of fruit and veggies, mainly fruits, have become really crappy. Not to mention that the last few times ive bought things at least one has turned out to be rotten, gone bad, or tasted really horrible.

- For Example- i was at walmart and bought some cucumbers. Got them home. Cut them upt THEY TASTED BITTER ick gross. Or i went to sams club and bought a bag of peaches and omg they were mealy and mushy and gross. I couldnt eat them. The tomatoes at these places taste horrible b/c they dont taste like tomatoes.

Not to mention that fruit and veggies go bad so fast. I mean i know thats not something new but it does stink when you want to not waste gas every 3 days to go buy things so you dont eat junk. So i try to prepare them and store them so i can eat them whenever. but its very time consuming. Not a lot of people unless very determined would do this every other day.

Im into and almost done with week 3 of my diet. I have 3 days left as of today. I dont weigh myself a lot b/c id rather go by how my clothes fit then the scale. And so far some of them have actually started to fit a lot better. Which im glad. I just have to start going to the gym more. Its not that i dont have motivation to go , i mean sometimes its hard to get some up, but most of the time its more of the fact that i just dont make time. I need to start doing that.

First off, got up this morning early and went out to some yard sales. Ended up finding a few good deals but on the way home we saw this this produce stand so we stopped. Got some great deals on lots of good veggies and fruits... which got me to thinking about the large Farmers Market in Little rock. So now im going in the morning. We're leaving at 5 am b/c it starts at 7 am and i dont want to park 3 hours away from the place since its limited parking.

So we get home and i decide ill eat a hamburger. Yeah. I shouldnt have. i just looked to see how many calories are in one burger. 310 calories Sigh. Good thing all i have had to eat today is:

Yogurt-100 calories
Bread- 110 calories
cheese- 100 calories

Lunch: Sun chips 140 calories
Bread 110 calories
Burger 310 calories
Condiments total- 20 calories ( if that)

890 calories. Ugh. So i have 510 calories left in the day.
I think tonight ill eat leftover soup tonight and some veggies and fruit.

Its amazing how fast your calories go :(

So finally wed afternoon while im out running around i get a txt from him and he says that he sent me an email and that he was going to eat and if i still wanted to talk we could after he got back. So i made a mad bee line to the house to read this email.

I really jumped to conclusions on our relationship. I was right on what was bothering him. So we finally talked last night from 10 to 11 and then online from about 1 am to 2 am and then on the phone for an hour. Everything is good. He explained his side and i explained mine.

So far this 3rd week ive done ok with my diet. Only been to the gym once. Took yesterday off b/c i was sore. So today while im running errands ill go do a 3 mile walk. I cant just stop.

Ive tried to stay within the 1500 calorie limit but some days ive found myself go over about 100 calories. Although yesterday i didnt eat much till late that night and i had pasta salad and one piece of chicken. Then i got hungry a few hours after that and ive had a few bites of stuff here and there.

So today im keeping better track of what goes in my mouth.

For breakfast this morning im having bread with a few oz of shredded cheese and some water.
Total calories- 200
So far today i think ive had 500 calories as i had some cheese earlier and ice cream yes i had ice cream. It wasnt bad though as its the lower calorie and lower fat one that i bought. So basically for the rest of the time im awake today i dont wanna eat more than 700 calories to be on the safe side.

I have a lot of errands to run this morning. Gotta pick up a box of vhs tapes and then head over and get a printer from someone and a box of stuff. I do freecycle ALOT i love to go through bags and boxes and find things i can use and then resell the rest or give it away to someone else. Then we have to go drop off daniel's application at this gas station he wants to work nights and make some money and get back on his feet. Which honestly im ready for him to so he can get his own place. I miss being alone sometimes. And i need to go by the post office drop some things off, return something that after i cancelled they still sent me anyways. Ugh.

Such a fun filled day. I hope to be home no later than noon and then i can take a nap and then get up and talk to my love. Other than that i have no other plans for today. I really need to just stay up and then get to bed at a decent time tomorrow night but thats nto going to happen. I get so wrapped up in things that i will just do what i can to stay up. lol

Ok so today or rather yesterday now the 15th i started going back to the gym. I figured ok ive been on this damn diet for 2 weeks now i need to get my butt in gear.

My feet are KILLING ME. This is what i hate- blisters. I can walk and walk and walk but put a blister on my foot somewhere and ill try till i cant walk. And then it sucks b/c i dont wanna go the next day. So i did 3 1/2 miles today on the track. And then i just had to stop b/c the blister on the back of my foot was about to drive me nuts. If it wasnt for that id have gone on to do the 5 or 6 i wanted to do.

So then i get home and decide im going to go grocery shopping. I hate it. All i wanted to do was eat everything in the store. I did buy ice cream. Lower fat lower calories and when i got home had a small bowlfull of it. Sinfully delicious. Then my love's best friend tells me from him " Ill talk to her in the morning i need to get my thoughts together' which cant be good. At least every other time ive had something happen its never good. So now i cant sleep. And the ice cream i just ate is attempting to come back up b/c my stomach hurts b/c of all this.

Gathering your thoughts.... im guessing that means " im trying to figure out the best way to tell her that i lied to her i dont love her i dont want her in my life and do so in a way she'll leave me alone and i wont have to deal with her anymore." Oh yeah and so he doesnt look like a complete jerk in the process. :/

I understand probably more than most what it feels like to be depressed and go through that esp when you loose people in your life. I lost 3 people important to me in a matter of months. So im kinda waiting for the " i love you i care about you but right now my life is just too much to handle a relationship... and i have my son and just work and im stressed out.... and i think we should just end things for now" yeah except the for now part should be " forever"

Maybe im jumping to conclusions, but i honestly dont think so. I mean dont get me wrong i hope i am. I hope him and i have a nice talk about things and we work it out to where we can be together and maybe in the future when things are stressful ill FREAKING KNOW so i wont loose my FREAKING MIND.

Its 4 am. I cant sleep. I dont want to eat ( which is what my mind keeps telling me to do) and i have nothing to really clean at the moment that doesnt require like major time committments b/c of the mess its going to involve. So i have no clue what im going to do for the next 7 hours. B/c he has to be up and working on stuff at 9 and i know usually he's up by 7 but i highly doubt ill hear from him that early. Would be nice but i doubt it considering he's just nwo going to be at 2 his time.

Hell, id take a walk but my feet hurt from the grocery store.

So today marks the end of Week number 2 of my diet.

This past week , sad to say, has not been a very good one, nor a very uplifting week. Im not exactly sure how i have made it through, well i do its called sleep away your days, but at least i made it. I cant eat much today as ive already pigged out b/c of my depression. So now its 4 am and i want to just go raid the fridge. I have nothing else to do. I cant sleep unless i go take a few nyquil. I dont want to do that b/c then ill sleep all day and wont get what i really need to get done today.

Im so sick of feeling like this! I have this urge to get in the car and drive to see him. To where he cant turn me away. Just get in the car put it in the gps and drive. Show up and go ok well im here so you can tell me in person what the hell is going on! But its a very VERY long drive. Not to mention it would cost me several hundred in gas. But im tempted. Even if i have to sleep in my car just to get some answers. Do some thinking. Of course then ill be eating fast food for days. Not a good idea.

I really wanna just put on my shoes and take a walk.

Im becomming really bitchy too. And being so mean to people. I hate this side of me. But when i get pissed and depressed and sad i take it out on everyone else.

I need a therapist myself :(

SO i went ahead and made my menu for tomorrow:

Snacks- Sun Chips- 140 calories
Cheezits- 100 calories

Lunch- Wheat Bread- 160
Cheese- 120
Pickles-10
Turkey- 100
Hamburger- 310
Chicken-100
Rice-100
Soup-100

Total - 1230 calories

Leaves some left over for snacking and small pig outs lol.

Im making chicken and rice tomorrow for dinner. I was going to do a pork roast in the crockpot but im going to wait and do that the next night after i find a good recipe for it.

So ive decided to write this mainly b/c it works. And b/c i seriously love the site.

I do part time a GPT ( get paid to site). I make extra income and have a blast. Its not a scam. Trust me, im the last person that would ever pass along scam information.

www.swatcash.net/445

Ill be more than happy to help you with any questions you have. Ive been on the site for 2 years. Its not a get rich quick scheme so dont think that. But ill tell you this, join the site, go to the forums and READ. There are all sorts of contests that go on every money, every week they give away 1000.00 to a random member that meets the requirements. If you have a myspace they give you things every month for having them in your top 8. And so on.

Ill tell you this UP FRONT. So there are NO confusions-

Do not have more than one account per household. This is a huge huge no no. You can have say your gf and you or your husband and you or whatever use the same account but you cant have 2 accounts. This has to do with fraud ( people trying to earn double is against the rules) and will get you banned from the site. So many dont read the TOS ( terms of service) and then are shocked when they get banned.

Also- make sure you always use true info when filling out things.

Like i said, join, go to the forums and join and then read. And dont hesitate to ask me any questions.

So we didnt go to bed friday night, instead we stayed up all night and played a board game ( Trivial Pursuit DVD Pop Culture) for 3 hours, then we basically just puttered around till we both got ready at 5. Left around 6 am and headed out for a full monring of sales. I had 25 yard sales wrote down, directions, orders... a plan.

I had eaten some tuna fish for breakfast ( yes breakfast) b/c i knew i wouldnt eat again till after we got home and i needed something. Oh yeah, my friend gets this idea to juice watermelon with blueberries. I said just strawberries but no, he had to add the blueberries in too. Smelled like a donut, tasted like cucumber and made me wanna yack. I told him if he took out the left over pulpy stuff that rose to the top id probably drink otherwise he was on his own.

Tuna Sandwhich
Tuna on side with crackers
Calories total: Tuna- 240 ( i had 3 servings )
Mayo- 25 calories ( i put 2 tablespoons in it for the whole thing left
Pickles- 5 calories
Bread- 180 calories
Crackers 125 calories
Cheese- 120 calories

695 calories! Holy geez stephanie. But still it was my lunch and my breakfast.

However, after we left the house i was still feeling a bit... blah. So we stopped and got drinks. I got a large starbucks the gas station which had a whopping 270 calories in it.

So total for the day now: 960

So then we headed out for sales around the home town area. In and out of the car. It was nice for the first 2 hours b/c it was still early it wasnt hot. Then it was hell! Im telling you. Go yard saling. Park. Get out. Walk around. Do that 50+ times in a weekend. You'll definitly work up a sweat in this heat and burn some calories.

All in all the day was ok... but not a complete success. I spent 19 bucks at the yard sales. 30 in gas. 5 in drinks. 11.00 at the discount bakery ( he talked me into going. im glad i did. 1.00 for loaves of good bread i can freeze hell yeah!) I got a few nice things to resell. There was one yard sale i really wanted to go back to and buy her out. Just ask her how much for all the baby clothes. But by the time we headed home at noon i was exhausted hot and stinky.

Got home. And about 2 i decided i was starving. I have no clue why. I knew i was about to crash. So i had a bag of sun chips. Then the leftover pizza sounded too good to control so i had 2 pieces. I gave all the crusts to the dog so it did shave off some calories.

Sunchips 140
Pizza 240 ( including cheese and sauce)

So 380 for my "dinner"

1340 calories total for the day.

Now its 10:16 pm. I have 2 hours left in this day.Im drinking a small glass of Arizona Green Tea. It usually helps with the hunger

Ive still kept it under 1500 calories today. And im surprised but usually when i yard sale i dont really eat much b/c im so busy and then so tired.

When the clock hits midnight ill be on day 13. One day to the 2 week mark. And for that im very proud of myself. I didnt think id make it this far. Esp when for the past almost 5 days ive had no encouragement from him. I know i dont need to rely on a guy for help and i know i can do things on my own but its nice to have someone there saying " Hey i love you your doing great" and then when you dont get it you miss it.

I really have to get into the exercise more.  Seriously thats going to be my new goal for the next 2 weeks of the month. Work my ass off. Im in the mood to dance lately. So im looking for maybe some sorta dance workout. If anyone has any suggestions. And please dont say Richard Simmons lol i love them but i feel like a doofus doing it.